The lights in the darkness.

Sometimes when I look outside my dorm window, I see a car going down 690. I think to myself, does that person care that I'm watching them? and then, I say to myself, do I ever think about that when I'm driving? I usually say, no, of course not, why would they care what a kid in a dorm a mile away?

And then at night, I like the view even better. To me the darkness and the bright artificial lights play a sort of sad love song, and I always enjoy listening to its vibrato and dark rhythms. It seems a little sad to me, because whenever I take a picture of it, it never comes out the way I like, that is, it doesn't play the song as well as when I am just looking at it through my own eyes. I'm not sure if this is what I am intending my transition into college to be, a dark place with some silver studs laced around it. It makes me think of life as well. Oftentimes we view life as a cold and dark place, other times as a warm and happy place. But the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows is what sticks with us the most. I cannot think of a time, when I wasn't extremely excited, or extremely bored.

But I am not an extreme person. Why do my moments of contentment seem to be less memorable than the bad times I've had? Shouldn't they be seen with more nostalgia? Of course, what does that say if I could find everything quite fine? What if I found constant contentedness? Would I never remember anything? Or would I remember everything? It doesn't matter. I would be content, and therefore I wouldn't care to remember it, or I'd be just fine with it no matter what it is. I look outside, and see the glimmering lights, but I look higher in the sky, and there are only rain clouds, blocking out the stars. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine when there are stars as well.

In my life, I find myself rarely answering 'no' or 'yes' to questions. Usually it is 'I don't know' or 'I don't care.' My parents have taken these answers to be their equivalents. But their not. When I say I don't know it is because I am truly unsure of what I want from that situation. And when I say I don't care, it means that I have no opinion against or for whatever it is I was asked. In the end, I feel very fortunate to be me, and to have seen and done the things I have. There's not much of my life I wished that I could change, and that makes me angry sometimes. I feel as if I lack a crucial talking point that would make me better at connecting with people. But then I look at my life story and say to myself, what a good, boring life I had. But then again, there's always time for that to change, isn't there?