The lights in the darkness.

Sometimes when I look outside my dorm window, I see a car going down 690. I think to myself, does that person care that I'm watching them? and then, I say to myself, do I ever think about that when I'm driving? I usually say, no, of course not, why would they care what a kid in a dorm a mile away?

And then at night, I like the view even better. To me the darkness and the bright artificial lights play a sort of sad love song, and I always enjoy listening to its vibrato and dark rhythms. It seems a little sad to me, because whenever I take a picture of it, it never comes out the way I like, that is, it doesn't play the song as well as when I am just looking at it through my own eyes. I'm not sure if this is what I am intending my transition into college to be, a dark place with some silver studs laced around it. It makes me think of life as well. Oftentimes we view life as a cold and dark place, other times as a warm and happy place. But the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows is what sticks with us the most. I cannot think of a time, when I wasn't extremely excited, or extremely bored.

But I am not an extreme person. Why do my moments of contentment seem to be less memorable than the bad times I've had? Shouldn't they be seen with more nostalgia? Of course, what does that say if I could find everything quite fine? What if I found constant contentedness? Would I never remember anything? Or would I remember everything? It doesn't matter. I would be content, and therefore I wouldn't care to remember it, or I'd be just fine with it no matter what it is. I look outside, and see the glimmering lights, but I look higher in the sky, and there are only rain clouds, blocking out the stars. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine when there are stars as well.

In my life, I find myself rarely answering 'no' or 'yes' to questions. Usually it is 'I don't know' or 'I don't care.' My parents have taken these answers to be their equivalents. But their not. When I say I don't know it is because I am truly unsure of what I want from that situation. And when I say I don't care, it means that I have no opinion against or for whatever it is I was asked. In the end, I feel very fortunate to be me, and to have seen and done the things I have. There's not much of my life I wished that I could change, and that makes me angry sometimes. I feel as if I lack a crucial talking point that would make me better at connecting with people. But then I look at my life story and say to myself, what a good, boring life I had. But then again, there's always time for that to change, isn't there?

Another title.

So, I've decided to do another blog, but this one is different. Different because, it's not a blog, it's a couple poems I wrote and liked a while ago, and maybe a new one. Or maybe not.

Adios Senior Muerto:

Are we too afraid to die?
someday we must face this challenge.
Will we accept it, or will we fight with every breath of our life?
can we withstand the pressures put upon by the rest of them?
or will we break, clinging to a shattered dream?
somehow we will all have to be confronted by it
the cold vicelike hands of comforting death?
maybe. maybe not.
if not now, when?
questions, questions, and much, much more.
will we find it at the hands of another being?
will we decide to put it into our own hands?
or will nature take its toll on us?
these questions matter not,
Let us, at least for now, live like today is one of our last
in the end, it very well could be.

Somebody once.

Someone once told me
That the only thing that should matter should be
A way to live your life right
Remembering your past times,
Treating everyone the right way
Teaching others the right things
Openly sharing

Someone once showed me
How we could live right
Only with true desire
We can really inspire
Many of the rest of our kind
Even the ones with the cruelest intentions

Someone once taught me
Our deepest passions
Make no sense to everything else
Emanating hope all around
To show others compassion
Helping others to help your self
If the end is clear enough
Nobody can ever tell you
Great things can never happen

Someone once saved me
Passed his love on
Everything crashing through
Celebrating new life
Is the only way to break through
Always we hope
Love will come through

Fun days, Flyways, and Toy Trains:

Life in a nutshell is not what it seemss
its all because youve been in my dreamss
all day, all night, you know, its right
i cant help but, it seems like tommorows gonna be bright

I now, know this to be true
In pieces, in whole
these times are now gone
fun days, flyways, and toy trains

we know, something
its sounds sort of crazy in the end,
but just in case i wanta be your friend
birthday, happy? i dont really know

we've lost, so much,
but surprises are in the show,
tonight, get sleep
school sucks, thats right
I get some roses if i had the cash,
just to let you know i still caree
now, know this to be true

We now, know this to be true
In pieces, in whole
these times are now gone
fun days, flyways, and toy trains

In pieces, in whole
these times are now gone
fun days, flyways, and toy trains

The Purpose

So, I was watching The Matrix recently, and came upon some interesting things: Mr. Smith when he is talking to Neo, or as i prefer to call him, Mr. Anderson says that he has to take his future into his own hands, after being pulled from the system after his apparent death, stating "There's no escaping reason, no evading Purpose, because we both know, that without purpose there is no reason to exist. It is Purpose that created us, Purpose that connects us, Purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us, that defines, it is purpose that binds us. We are here because of you, Mr. Anderson. We're here to take from you what you tried to take from us. Purpose." this is his revelation in the second movie The Matrix Reloaded. This, if it were in anyone elses hands, would be something of an innocent question in the form of "what is Purpose?" A normal person would say, well to live, I suppose to live my Life with the consideration that other people also live lives and we all somehow intersect, so I suppose purpose is to lead a good Life that does more to help society than harm it, I suppose.

If a normal person's reason response is Life, a person, who has experienced many sensations, seen and felt many things, says Life, what does a computer bot given sentience believe Purpose to be? As stated by Agent Smith in the last film " Can you feel it, Mr. Anderson, closing in on you? Oh, I can. I really should thank you, after all it was your Life that taught me the Purpose of all Life. The Purpose of Life is to end." The Purpose of Life to End. To a computer, something that sees only data and digits, the very Purpose of being is to come to an End. If this were true, what is the Purpose of living? As taking oneselfs life would be the Ultimate realization of the true Purpose. What would life amount to if the only reason for it would be to end? Something that is a mere copy, a Shadow of Life, that is, True Life, the Life that should be lived, the Life that brings meaning to Purpose, for without meaning, Purpose has no point, without a point, the very Purpose of having a Purpose would be Purposeless.

What is Purpose then? is it to live? is to come to an end? I think neither, from Life comes Purpose, from The End comes Realization. With Life, the Purpose, is not to come to an end, but to do Something meaningful in their eyes, to hope for a brighter day, especially when the darkness closes itself in. The End is not the true Purpose of Life, rather it is the Realization of the meaning of the Purpose of Life. At The End, one sees everything the said "life flashing before ones eyes" mechanism. This is a way of the Universe, giving an individual validation of everything that they have done towards their individual purpose. This raises questions in those that don't understand what life is, another statement by Mr. Smith goes "Why do you do it? Why? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Could it be for love?" What is being fought for is none, and yet all of the above. We fight for Life. Life is Surviving. Life is Choice. Life is Understanding. Life is Freedom. Life is Truth. Life is Peace. Life is Most importantly Love. But none of these things are in and of themselves are Life. They are all aspects that one has to experience to understand the Purpose, the underlying meaning behind being. The true Purpose of Being, to me, Is to BE. Simply put, living Life a day at a time, taking everything in, resting when you need to, and finally realizing the Purpose of your Life before The End.
Survival. Choice. Understanding. Freedom. Truth. Peace. Love. Life.

Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why do you persist?
Anderson: Because I choose to.

Take Two.

There is only one of me. How exciting to know! Have you ever sat down and thought "how many of me are there?" probably not if you are David Anderson, but if you have, you should go see a psychiatrist, because only you are you! In reality, what I am saying is there is only one person that has my name, me! Which I believe is interesting enough to start a blog with. The title has nothing to do with this, its just that it is my second blog here, it seemed appropriate. The more appropriate title would be something to do with identity, like "Identity Crisis" or something cool like that.

It seems like identity is a good thing to talk about, everyone has one, but many people are searching for theirs, many others have even had theirs stolen. How disappointing that must be, but how can anyone really know that you are you besides being you? Corrugated cardboard doesn't ask these questions, because it has its stuff together. Although cardboard is fascinating, the real issue here is identities, isn't it? But this tarry's too far. One should, at one point in their life, take some time out to seriously reflect on themselves to figure out, who am I? This question has led many people, musicians, artists, politicians to the journey that has put them on their path of self-actualization. As Caterpillar said to Alice, Who Are You? Seriously, who are you? are you the extrovert who loves to socialize, making friends and tweeting about everything they've done within a sitting? Or are you the introvert, preferring books to parties, intellectuality over excitability, and having the capability to spend multiple hours on the Internet or alone reading? Maybe you're saying, gosh, I'm not either of those, what's the deal? The fact is, you are a snowflake, we all are! Not one of us is exactly the same as others, of course, certain things are predictable about you. Like health, if your parents and their parents were chain smokers, chances are you are more likely to take up smoking than others, if all of those individuals developed cancer later on life, you are at a higher risk than others, that is just genes, and hereditary traits. Social norms, also make us pretty predictable, although nowadays many people don't subscribe to these norms, and thus has created a good deal of subcultures that make who you are invariably harder to discover.

Whew, that was longer than I thought it would be, I hope that gave some information to anyone who happens upon this while wondering "Man, who the heck am I? If I may, there are many good tests to take to discover your traits, such as the Keirsey temperament sorter and the personality test based on Jung here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes1.htm

New Beginnings

Oh Snap. A blog! I always wondered if I would actually ever make one on a website dedicated to blogs, and here I am, blogging it up! As this is the first blog, I'm not going to really discuss anything about my personal biases in depth yet. Also, I have not yet decided what to blog about! I may have opinions, but not so much as to be able to make a sensible blog post that well. I suppose I'll just ease my way into it, one step at a time.

To anybody, including myself, is wondering why I chose to take a quote from Forrest Gump, alter it, and use it as my main blog title, A.) I love the movie, definitely in my top five favorites B.) I love the quote, top ten and C.) When you really get down and think about it, life really is a box of chocolates, from one day to the next, you are never really going to know what you are going to get.

In conclusion, this is likely a blog from a teenager on the crossroads to adulthood, but that probably won't come up much.